A Message to Mark Every Year
What I would tell my younger self, given the opportunity
This evening while writing my journal entry, I was reflecting on a holiday I spent with my family in Finland during August 2011, and in rummaging back through the photos, I was gobsmacked to see what I looked like.
The feelings of angst came rushing on back as it was the month before I was to attend University in another country; seeing a body as thin as I was, also hit harder than I expected.
It got me thinking—in seeing what I looked like having just finished school—why didn’t I start gym training sooner? I mean, I know why, it was because I hated it.
With that in mind, I want to take this piece to share with you what I would share with me! I’ll give a short bout of context for each year, and then the message I would send back in time.
We’re going to start right at the beginning.
Age 0 (1992): I cannot remember anything, but I feel a warm sensation. Having looked through my old photos, I found one at nine months old in a ‘jolly jumper’ (something you sit a baby in to bounce them up and down)—suppose that explains my childhood love for swings.
“Enjoy, little one! Reach for the sky!”
Age 1 (1993): It’s funny how you cannot remember the early years, but when you see a photo, it’s recognisable—for my first birthday, I had a cake shaped like a clock! So much cake.
“Your family spoils you, and makes you feel special. Remember that.”
Age 2 (1994): I have no memory of the birth of my brother. So far as I can tell, he’s always been there. What I can say, is “Thank you” to my parents for bringing another soul into our family, and I can be further grateful that we will have each other, always.
“You boys will fight, you boys will argue, but life will bring you boys together.”
Age 3 (1995): Still riding the no memory wave, but again in recognition, that bow tie and red suspenders, dressed for none other than my aunt’s wedding. I looked like a smart fella.
“Dress to impress; how you dress affects how feel. In time you’ll fill your formal wardrobe.”
Age 4 (1996): You know what I do remember though, the black plastic wheels scraping against the tarmac—ahh I can hear it now—as my brother and I raced down the driveway on our plastic motorbikes. The thrill of excitement, coursing through our veins.
“Chase the thrill and grab any opportunity to go fast!”
Age 5 (1997): Exploring another sensory memory—the roughness of the bark against my hands and feet—climbing trees in the botanical gardens. We even had trees in our garden we could climb… always climbing something.
“Greenery—trees in particular—will ground and relax you. Spend time in nature, often.”
Age 6 (1998): My red jersey and navy sweatpants, no shoes to be found. Steering wheel in hand, foot on the pedal, and that intoxicating smell of petrol. I didn’t get long, but a ride at my own accord, racing through the trees, and kicking up grass as I sped across the farm on an off-road go-kart.
“Get out there and enjoy the wind through your hair. Pedal to the metal!”
Age 7 (1999): All I can remember from repeated family holidays—where we accompanied friends of ours to their summer house in Hermanus—was getting the side eye from their mother for loading up a glass of milk with way too much Milo, more than any seven year old should be consuming. For perspective, I took up to 13 teaspoons of the stuff into maybe 150ml of milk, giving us a grand total of about 315kcal, of which, 240kcal came just from the powder. Never mind coffee, this stuff was all I needed!
“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a favourite drink, however, learn to moderate your sugar intake. You’ll be thankful later.”
Age 8 (2000): I finally recall a solid event, the millennium and my eighth birthday party, celebrated with all my friends from school. My first pool party, with food, cake, games, an inflatable raft, that if memory serves, didn’t last the full stretch of the afternoon. To this day, I still have the birthday cards.
“Immerse yourself, enjoy this moment, laugh, smile, and bask in the abundance of friends around you. One day you’ll miss it.”
Age 9 (2001): If I said I was never competitive, I would be lying. But I can confidently say that I was never competitive in contact sports, so much so that I actively avoided playing, even when it was a compulsory school sport. There was one memory in particular where I played a rugby match, in the rain, on a muddy field, whereby I did not touch the ball once, or tackle another player for that matter. I was the only player to end the match without a speck of mud on him.
“Play to your strengths, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”
Age 10 (2002): Arguably one of the best houses we ever lived in, it had a gazebo, veranda, garden, and my absolute favourite, a salt water swimming pool. My brother and I spent countless hours enjoying each of these—games with friends, both indoors and out!
“Make a splash, have a laugh, and boy get yourself a tan! Enjoy the luxury while you have it.”
Age 11 (2003): Salt. Arguably too much. Sticky from the salt water after spending all day every weekend bodyboarding in the ocean; bearing witness to my great grandmother cracking 100 years of age, while eating an ungodly amount of salt. Oh and I played a violin performance at her birthday party in front of lots of people too.
“Enjoy salty things… you’ll live a fun life, and hopefully (with moderation), a long one too!”
Age 12 (2004): The best disconnect is going away to a farm in the middle of nowhere. Mountains to the left, valleys to the right, here I am, stuck the in the middle of two. What did we play? That’s right, 1-2-3 Block, a faster paced game of Hide and Seek, blended with Tag; I wish adults played these sorts of games.
“You’re ‘gaming’ late at night, enjoy it, this is the definition of fun.”
Age 13 (2005): It’s so easy to make friends when you’re a young teen, and this friendship I’m proud to say is still alive and kicking, especially having started with an answer of “Yes” to the simplest of questions, “Do you wanna be friends?” In this particular year we got up to some nonsense around the school, not necessarily causing any real shit, but enough banter had us in stitches! More on this friendship another time.
“You guys will be as thick as thieves, and as loyal as brothers. That said, nothing is without its challenges, and this friendship will test you. Do what you can to work it out. It’ll be worth it in the end.”
Age 14 (2006): I learnt something interesting about myself this year, and it is that if I put my mind to something, I could achieve it; similarly, with the right amount of bullshit, you can also achieve it. Somehow—because I hated swimming ‘squad’ training and sport in general back then, and to this day I’m unclear how—I qualified for the school swimming team. I did so for one reason, and one reason only, to travel to Australia for a training camp. When I got there, I pulled out every excuse in the book to not get in the pool, and even sponged off to visit friends for a day.
“When you put your mind to something, you’ll be amazed what you can actually achieve, particularly if you enjoy it; put the bullshit in your back pocket, you’ll never know when you might need a wild card.”
Age 15 (2007): I had my first girlfriend at 15, and it lasted no longer than 3 months. She and I were first violinists in the school orchestra, where I was one of two boys, amongst otherwise all female instrumentalists. We went to watch Mr Bean’s Holiday for our first date, and had dinner at an Ocean Basket thereafter; I spent all evening stressing out about whether I should try and hold her hand. This sort of ‘pressure’ continued on during lunch breaks when we socialised in our combined friend group. During one occasion, a friend of mine grabbed our hands and put them together for us. It was awkward for me, and no doubt, the same for her. I didn’t date again until around 2012, during my second year of University.
“Just because your friends are doing things, doesn’t mean you have to. You’re going through life at a different pace, and you’ll explore when the time is right for you.”
Age 16 (2008): I made a life-changing decision out of fear. My brother and I were asked by our parents whether we wanted to move abroad, as Dad had been offered a job. Given that there was a school hike and camp that was looming on my horizon—and I was shit scared about having to attend—I jumped at the opportunity to leave. I don’t regret it, but I’d argue that the pain and turmoil of leaving and getting resettled, was far worse than having to endure a week-long school camp.
“Be careful what you wish for. When you’re making a serious decision, be sure to explore all avenues that might befall you.”
Age 17 (2009): I had one of my favourite holidays—with friends, and both my immediate and extended family—skiing in the Italian Dolomites. Up until this point, the only skiing I had done was indoors, and not even from the top. During the first couple days on the real slope, my uncle give me a few pointers, but largely I used the classic ‘pizza slice’ technique to navigate the slope. By the end of the week, I had taught myself to ‘French fry’, (parallel ski), despite many blunders, tumbles, and colossal wipeouts.
“When you don’t know something, don’t be afraid to ask. And when you don’t get a full answer, be bold enough to figure it out yourself.”
Age 18 (2010): Following on from our Italian skiing holiday, we had another in Scotland that was mostly for general tourism, but had my brother and I back on the slope. We also went to London—as a family—for about a week, to poke around and explore.
“Enjoy time with your family, in the years to come you’ll be far away from them, and it’ll be difficult. You’ll be homesick like you cannot believe, and will have to adjust to not seeing them all so regularly.”
Age 19 (2011): One night early September I had dinner with my folks, after which they called me a cab and off to University residence I went, on my own. They flew home to the Netherlands the very next morning. Finding my feet in England was challenging and I went through several sets of friends. I went to the student bar every night, and to night clubs at least three times a week. I didn’t necessarily enjoy it, but that’s what everyone else was doing, and that’s what University was about… right?
“Look around, observe, partake if you like, figure out if it’s for you. If it’s not, don’t stress, you’ll find out what is very soon!”
Age 20 (2012): Hey, look at that, I found it, something with my name all over it. I joined a ballroom and Latin club, and attended it four to five nights a week. Similarly I found joy in personal fitness and between the two, trained up to five days and four nights a week. I eventually competed at the Nationals, representing my University!
“Always try new things, even if you think you’ll suck at it. Everyone starts somewhere.”
Age 21 (2013): A fun one for parties, the highlight being my 21st at a club venue, Durban, South Africa, where I invited as many of my friends as possible. Get them all in one room and have a good time. It was by no means “wild”, but it had its memorable moments that’s for sure.
“Even when you live far abroad, those closest to you will always come together to celebrate with you.”
Age 22 (2014): I was super thankful to close off this chapter of my life, having spent the last three years living “alone” in England. Sure I lived with my English friends, and yes, University was fun, but I loathed living in the UK. I didn’t vibe with the culture, I didn’t enjoy the lifestyle, I wanted out. Heck even now, nine years later, I still haven’t returned to that city, and if I can help it, won’t. And while I didn’t inherently have any negative memories, the relief I had when I left, made it ever sweeter—like that feeling in the shower as you wash the dirt off.
“You’ll move a lot in life, at least another 3 times before you turn 25; just because you’re someplace doesn’t mean you have to stay. Whether you’re buying, renting, or even just sleeping, if don’t like it, move! You don’t owe them anything.”
Age 23 (2015): Now this you see was more like it. My brother and I moved together to Stellenbosch, South Africa to do our studies. We lived apart at first, then together not three months later. I genuinely felt like I was in paradise—my pre-masters aside, as that was easy and not worth talking about—I spent a lot of time in the sun, wandering campus, cycling to and from gym, and ballroom dancing. I took the year slowly, did what I wanted, reconnected with old friends, made some new, and enjoyed the true University experience.
“Do you recall the thought you had when you moved to SA? ‘Do it differently to England’. Make new decisions, and explore your horizons; the world has a lot to offer.”
Age 24 (2016): Ah yes, the year of many achievements, only one however, listed here—completing my research masters, MPhil Music Technology, specialising in Psychoacoustics. Done in 1 year, proudly having written a 30,000 word thesis in less than 8 months. Something special about being one of only two students to graduate in my class, as most take on average three years to finish the degree.
“Time is of the essence, and there is a life to be lived beyond University. Put your head down, get it done, and then reap the rewards of your hard work.”
Age 25 (2017): I was supposed to start my career, but instead I sacrificed everything to ensure my relationship survived the long distance between South Africa and the Netherlands. Taking odd jobs and remote work to pay for my flights every three to four months. The relationship survived, but at what hidden cost to me.
“Be careful with choices like this, it’s easy to lose your way, and sense of self all together. You won’t listen, and that’s fine, but the day will come when you’ll realise.”
Age 26 (2018): I spent months fishing for jobs with many applications, until I finally landed one in television metadata data-entry. And I hated every minute of it. After the first two months or so, I applied internally to different departments, and externally as well. While I made an okay salary, my mental health took a nose dive.
“Everyone’s gotta start somewhere. This is your first corporate job, it’s not pretty, but it’s not nothing. Build up your savings, you’re going to need it down the line.”
Age 27 (2019): I changed jobs three times this year, finally landing in Content Marketing at a histopathology automation company. It was fine for the most part—a good friend came out of it—but I was falling asleep at the office and had to fend off that neck-jerk sleep-lapse throughout most meetings. I was burnt out from job-hopping, stressed as the sole income for my apartment, and my body was taking immense strain. I didn’t know what to do.
“It’s okay to ask for help, mental and physical. Listen to your body and put your health first.”
Age 28 (2020): My world came crumbling down when I collapsed in my apartment. A later discovered cancer diagnosis, bad prognosis, horrific chemotherapy cycles, and life-saving open-heart surgery. I didn’t recognise myself anymore. I lost everything I had worked so hard to attain, and was confronted by the notion that it could be the end.
“Life has a beginning and an end. That’s all that is certain. What happens in between, you can only control to some degree. This is your life, and these are the cards you were dealt. Where you choose to focus will determine how much you suffer, versus how quickly you can recover. Make no mistake, this will be the most challenging journey of your life. It’s you versus the disease; time to go all in.”
Age 29 (2021): I spent most of this year as a hollowed out shell of human, having given everything I had to surviving cancer. Additionally, my relationship of over four years lay amongst the rubble after a devastating breakup. I lived day to day, with the goal of rebuilding my body and mind, starting with basic functionality, like carrying groceries without help, climbing stairs without wheezing, and walking without tripping. I had a long road ahead of me, and I was more than happy to walk it peacefully and quietly.
“Pick up only the important pieces. Recognise the pain you’ve experienced, reflect on it, and in time, confront it. You’ve survived. You’re alive. Rebuild your life in a way that makes you happy; at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”
Age 30 (2022): Most of this year I spent doing things that were ‘out of character’; I needed to explore, learn things about myself, and move in a healthier direction both literally and figuratively. I went on loads of dates, a one ‘night’ stand, and, arguably my biggest adjustment, started testosterone replacement therapy. Oh and I also went back to full time work.
“Take the time you need to learn about yourself, the good, and the bad, the old, and the new. Discover the full picture, and from there, you’ll know what you need.”
Age 31 (2023): Who knew that a rather obscure fact about lobster neurochemistry could spark a conversation and introduce me to someone who would have a phenomenal impact on my life. I certainly didn’t, but I can comfortably say that I’ve never been so happy. Additionally, I connected with my father on a deeper level through attempting a demanding 200km hike across the Drakensberg mountain range.
“Life has a way of giving you exactly what you need, when you need it. Usually, it’s not immediately apparent, and you’ll need to push many personal boundaries to afford such a luxury. Be it a new loving relationship, or a demanding hike; pushing yourself to the limit will reveal what you’re capable of.”
Age 32 (2024): This year was about cultivating my relationship, and deepening both my love and appreciation through a multitude of new hobbies and experiences. From new foods, to writing online, gardening, home decor, and exploring different cultures in fun way; she reminded me to love life again, shifting gears from ‘survive’ to ‘thrive’.
“When someone points out a short-fall, don’t rebel, use it as a learning opportunity to grow a new direction. Pushing yourself to expand your horizons will bring you joy. Lean into it, and you’ll see what I mean.”
Age 33 (2025): We’re not that far into this year for me to share comparable reflection, but what I can say is, I’ve been taking a harder look at my career, with the hopes of setting myself up for success to support the next chapter of my life.
“Definitive progress takes time. Like anything else, put one foot in front of the other. Set goals often, and remember to celebrate your successes. You’ve come along way, and there’s more to come!”
We’ve reached the end of one of the longest articles I’ve written in a while; I hope you found it insightful! If you’d like to show your support, I won’t turn down a (virtual) coffee!
See you in the next one.
~M.
What a joy it was reading this article. I am so blessed to be part of your journey. We love you so much ❤️
Nice one. That was a proper lifetime deep dive haha